Why Avoiding Conflict Damages Relationships (and How to Overcome It)
If you can think, talk, and interact with other people, you will eventually experience conflict. It’s an inevitable—and completely normal—part of being human. Yet many people openly admit that they go out of their way to avoid anything that even resembles disagreement or confrontation.
In fact, much of my work in therapy and coaching involves helping people understand and embrace the value of healthy conflict while overcoming the fears that fuel avoidance.
Why People Avoid Conflict
There are many reasons why someone might shy away from conflict, including:
Low self-confidence or self-doubt
Lack of assertiveness skills
Poor communication habits
Fear of rejection, criticism, or disapproval
Anxiety about losing security or control
At its core, people avoid conflict in order to protect their self-esteem and sense of safety. While that’s understandable, it often backfires—leaving issues unresolved and relationships strained.
Discomfort vs. Danger
Let me be clear: I am not suggesting anyone should put themselves in unsafe or hostile situations. Avoiding real danger is always wise.
But there’s a big difference between true danger and the personal discomfort that comes with expressing disagreement. Learning to tolerate discomfort—and even use it for growth—can transform the way you relate to others.
Three Reasons to Stop Avoiding Conflict
1. Conflict avoidance leads to emotional suppression
When you bury your emotions, you don’t bury them dead—you bury them alive. Suppressed feelings resurface later, often in unhealthy or exaggerated ways. Many people say, “I’ll just let it go this time,” but if the issue isn’t actually resolved, it may erupt later as anger, resentment, or overreaction.
2. Avoidance reinforces irrational fears
Thoughts like, “If I bring this up, I’ll be rejected or criticized,” or, “If I speak up, I’ll look foolish,” create unnecessary fear. While rejection or embarrassment may sting, they rarely destroy us the way we imagine.
The best way to overcome these fears is through exposure and practice. Each time you face conflict with honesty and respect, you build confidence and improve your skills.
3. Avoidance stunts personal and relational growth
Growth always involves change—and change often includes some level of tension or discomfort. When you consistently choose comfort over conflict, you also choose stagnation over growth.
Healthy conflict, on the other hand, creates opportunities for learning, understanding, and stronger connections.
Final Thoughts
The next time you face disagreement, remember: conflict is not your enemy. Handled well, it can be the doorway to deeper relationships, greater confidence, and meaningful personal growth.
You really have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Live, Work, and Relate Well!