Communication Myths that can Cripple Your Marriage - Part II
Last time, we looked at the first five myths about marriage that often cause unnecessary frustration and pain. These myths are surprisingly common—even couples in healthy marriages may fall into believing them from time to time.
If you missed Part 1, here’s a quick recap of the first five myths:
Myth 1: We should never go to bed angry.
Myth 2: My spouse ought to know what I think, feel, and want.
Myth 3: A successful discussion always ends in agreement.
Myth 4: If we bring up or discuss a problem, it needs to be solved now.
Myth 5: When I share my feelings, my spouse must always do something in response.
Now, let’s dive into Marriage Myths #6 through #10 and discover how to replace them with healthier truths that strengthen love and connection.
Myth 6: If my spouse rejects my views, they are really rejecting me
Rejection hurts—especially from someone you love. But disagreement is not the same as rejection. When you take your spouse’s differing opinion as a personal attack, you’re falling into “personalization.”
Your viewpoint is separate from your identity. Healthy couples allow room for disagreement without taking it personally. In fact, respectful disagreement builds critical thinking, problem-solving, and even intimacy. A marriage where one partner always agrees isn’t healthy—it’s boring.
Myth 7: If my spouse does what I want, it doesn’t count if I had to ask
Picture this familiar scene:
She says, “You never bring me flowers.”
He brings flowers home.
She says, “It doesn’t count—you didn’t think of it yourself!”
Nobody wins with this myth. Your spouse is not a mind reader, and expecting them to anticipate your needs only creates disappointment.
The truth? Asking for what you want is a gift—it gives your partner the opportunity to love you in meaningful ways. As Dr. Gary Chapman explains in The 5 Love Languages, love is expressed differently by different people. Clear communication prevents the downward spiral of unmet needs and resentment.
Myth 8: Couples who really love each other should naturally communicate well
Love does not guarantee great communication. Even the most devoted couples may struggle due to different communication styles, unhelpful habits (like interrupting or defensiveness), or a lack of healthy conflict resolution skills modeled in childhood.
Good communication takes practice. Couples who truly love each other make the effort to learn and improve. Consider resources like Communication Miracles for Couples by Jonathan Robinson, or working with a marriage counselor to develop stronger, more respectful communication patterns.
Myth 9: Love means never having to say you’re sorry
Remember the old movie line: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”? Unfortunately, many people still live by this destructive misconception.
Real love involves humility, responsibility, and repair. A sincere apology is one of the most powerful ways to restore emotional safety and trust in a marriage. A good apology acknowledges the hurt caused, takes ownership, and commits to change. Without this, emotional security erodes—and with it, intimacy.
Myth 10: If we really loved each other, we would never argue
This may be the most damaging myth of all. The reality is simple: all couples argue. When two people with different backgrounds, personalities, and opinions share a life, disagreements are inevitable.
Arguing doesn’t mean love is absent—it means you’re human. What matters is how you argue. Couples who feel secure in their relationship understand that conflict does not threaten love. Instead, it can become an opportunity to understand one another more deeply.
Some people grow up in families where arguments were normal and even healthy, while others were raised in homes where conflict was avoided at all costs. Understanding each other’s background and conflict style can help you navigate disagreements in a way that feels safe and constructive for both partners.
Final Thoughts
Believing in these marriage myths can undermine intimacy, trust, and connection. But when couples replace myths with truth, they build marriages rooted in respect, resilience, and genuine love.
Remember: a strong marriage isn’t built on the absence of conflict but on the presence of understanding, forgiveness, and the willingness to grow together.
Live, Work, and Relate Well!